The Wolf I Won't Feed
I think most people have had some exposure to the Cherokee Legend of the Two Wolves (still unverified by me, I hate to attribute the etymology of the story wrong but alas not everything has to be technically correct, I guess).
If not, here's the story.
Maybe it's because I swim in deep waters of contemplation, or more likely because I'm anoretic (I learned that this is the term for a person with anorexia today), but the thing that comes to my mind is:
What about the wolves you won't feed?
Just me? Ahh, okay. If you're baffled as to why I ask this question, do read on...
Every person has a set of wolves. This concept is oversimplified, obviously. We're all a mix of strengths and flaws, virtues and weaknesses, wrapped tightly in a cloak of humanity. Or perhaps that is just what it is that makes us most human.
But I don't want you to see. I want to see you, but I don't want you to see me, for I grew up with the understanding that needing was the root of all hurting.
I needed desperately to understand what sexuality was after being so unceremoniously introduced against my will.
I needed the validation and attention of a very distracted and insensitive family.
I needed to feel like my body was a part of what I was doing here on the planet.
But all of that needing only gave me hurting. For 12 years, I consistently gained only hurting and no joy from these needs.
So, no matter what a wolf (my body) needs, feeding it puts you in a dangerous situation.
As I've grown away from this fearful tendency to starve my wolves (regardless of their faults), I've struggled to explain why I feel shame about characteristics of and then still starve my good wolf. I associated any needing with pain, for one. But on top of that, I learned that wolves are best weakened and killed, evened out and submissive to ease the other beings that are threatened by their presence.
Does this make sense? Some days, I think I'm totally crazy now, I see the world so differently than most.
I think there's a benefit in it, though. Most people go around trying to find ways to only feed one wolf, almost always accidentally feeding the other. I suppose I have to be coaxed into feeding, and my consciousness of that makes me more meticulous and selective about nurturing the good wolf alone (to the best of my ability).
Love and Admiration,
Shareeta
If not, here's the story.
 |
| Got yer' nose! |
Maybe it's because I swim in deep waters of contemplation, or more likely because I'm anoretic (I learned that this is the term for a person with anorexia today), but the thing that comes to my mind is:
What about the wolves you won't feed?
Just me? Ahh, okay. If you're baffled as to why I ask this question, do read on...
Every person has a set of wolves. This concept is oversimplified, obviously. We're all a mix of strengths and flaws, virtues and weaknesses, wrapped tightly in a cloak of humanity. Or perhaps that is just what it is that makes us most human.
But I don't want you to see. I want to see you, but I don't want you to see me, for I grew up with the understanding that needing was the root of all hurting.
I needed desperately to understand what sexuality was after being so unceremoniously introduced against my will.
I needed the validation and attention of a very distracted and insensitive family.
I needed to feel like my body was a part of what I was doing here on the planet.
But all of that needing only gave me hurting. For 12 years, I consistently gained only hurting and no joy from these needs.
So, no matter what a wolf (my body) needs, feeding it puts you in a dangerous situation.
As I've grown away from this fearful tendency to starve my wolves (regardless of their faults), I've struggled to explain why I feel shame about characteristics of and then still starve my good wolf. I associated any needing with pain, for one. But on top of that, I learned that wolves are best weakened and killed, evened out and submissive to ease the other beings that are threatened by their presence.
Does this make sense? Some days, I think I'm totally crazy now, I see the world so differently than most.
I think there's a benefit in it, though. Most people go around trying to find ways to only feed one wolf, almost always accidentally feeding the other. I suppose I have to be coaxed into feeding, and my consciousness of that makes me more meticulous and selective about nurturing the good wolf alone (to the best of my ability).
Love and Admiration,
Shareeta
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