Always Remember the Divine

Why, hello , blogosphere! It's been a long time since I've written.    Quite frankly, there's a lot to catch up on. Since I last wrote, I've moved to Utah, started a business, and branched out in other ways, too. Probably the last idea is the most significant, but hardest to describe in short.    Let me first explain why I moved to Utah... seemingly against my own will (at times). I knew I had a choice - I could go back to work full-time or part-time while trying to start a business in Denver in order to maintain a living - or I could move with my mom and take things a little slower. Initially, the latter didn't seem very appealing. After all, I'm 25 with quite the independent streak (to say the least). Despite my apprehension, I decided to visit my brother in Herriman (southwest of Salt Lake City) for a few weeks to see how I felt about the whole thing.   You see, for me, it's less about the pragmatic elements - will I have a job, do I like the wards,...

  It's not often that I write while I've been really triggered to anger - but I'm on the tail end of that, so let's try this out.   I just finished having a yelling match with and at myself while my mom drove home from a show we went to. Once she left to give me space and get some essential supplies for a Shareeta panic attack (ice cream and root beer, in case you were wondering), I turned the vehement anger on myself. I have a tendency to do that.   It started with being sick on top of the usual illness. To say that I've been struggling with my current state of limbo - not being diagnosed and being continually disabled - is an understatement. I've been questioning the value of my existence a lot lately. Not the best starting point. I've been trying to keep this all in perspective lately ("I have to get through these nasty repressed feelings, then things will get better" or "Heavenly Father has something around the corner") but it see...

So I've been extremely angry lately (GASP).  If you see this face, I am trying really hard to repress my desire to grab your shoulders and knee you in the gut... (I am, so far, successful everytime... but FAIR WARNING)   Why have I been extremely angry? Why should you be careful when approaching me? Well, not because I'm unstable. Especially considering the daily bull$&^# I experience, I'm extremely consistent.   One of the greatest manifestations of my consistency is how generally positive, even-tempered and happy I am, especially in public places. I'll speak about my experiences, even traumatic ones, openly. I also speak about them in upbeat, happy, optimistic tones. I make sure that everyone knows that I feel confident in overcoming them.   Do I do this because I'm truly constantly happy? No. Turns out I'm actually a human being, too. That's right, I'm not a robot.  So why would I do that? Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an e...

  Today has been a day of compression. In a literal sense, I have new compression gear to compensate for myalgia (muscle pain) and support my weak spots and places where I have pain. In a figurative sense, I'm having one of those rare days where the reality of my disability is getting to me. The t-shirt is kind of ironic... I used to do backyard lifting between rugby seasons.   So I did something kind of stupid - a special kind of Shareeta stupid. I decided that I was going to put myself out there to do the most physically challenging service project available to me. I made a point to help my mom do all the shopping for her semester of culinary classes. We went to the restaurant supply and bought some 200 lbs of flour, 75 lbs of sugar, detergent for dishes and clothes, oil, syrup, molassses, canned products, frozen foods, 30 lbs of cheese, institutional sized cans of everything you can think of, cases of pasta, gloves, and well, you can probably imagine the rest. Let it ...

Looking more Rogue-ish every day...   For kicks and giggles, you could go back and probably map a timeline over the course of this blog of my 1) life confusion and 2) general obliviousness. Not to say I don't value myself and my perspective through all of those moments. On the contrary, I think it is precisely those perspectives and stages that I went through that validate and create space for other people to grow and learn through their struggles. No one's viewpoint is invalid, the angle from which they look at the truth is determined by where they stand . And the more angles we see the truth from, the better idea we have of what the truth looks like.   This blog has been my little slice of the truth, my little shout into the void of human expression. And, despite looking back on my growth and sometimes feeling embarrassed or frustrated, I stand by the assertion that what I have to say has value .   Full disclosure: the following piece is an argument informed by ...