Always Remember the Divine

  It's not often that I write while I've been really triggered to anger - but I'm on the tail end of that, so let's try this out.   I just finished having a yelling match with and at myself while my mom drove home from a show we went to. Once she left to give me space and get some essential supplies for a Shareeta panic attack (ice cream and root beer, in case you were wondering), I turned the vehement anger on myself. I have a tendency to do that.   It started with being sick on top of the usual illness. To say that I've been struggling with my current state of limbo - not being diagnosed and being continually disabled - is an understatement. I've been questioning the value of my existence a lot lately. Not the best starting point. I've been trying to keep this all in perspective lately ("I have to get through these nasty repressed feelings, then things will get better" or "Heavenly Father has something around the corner") but it see...

So I've been extremely angry lately (GASP).  If you see this face, I am trying really hard to repress my desire to grab your shoulders and knee you in the gut... (I am, so far, successful everytime... but FAIR WARNING)   Why have I been extremely angry? Why should you be careful when approaching me? Well, not because I'm unstable. Especially considering the daily bull$&^# I experience, I'm extremely consistent.   One of the greatest manifestations of my consistency is how generally positive, even-tempered and happy I am, especially in public places. I'll speak about my experiences, even traumatic ones, openly. I also speak about them in upbeat, happy, optimistic tones. I make sure that everyone knows that I feel confident in overcoming them.   Do I do this because I'm truly constantly happy? No. Turns out I'm actually a human being, too. That's right, I'm not a robot.  So why would I do that? Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an e...