Always Remember the Divine

I'm simultaneously excited and not excited to write this post. Why? Because I'm afraid of it, and afraid of you knowing it, afraid of what it means about me and how you'll see me. If you've spent any time with me, this might be really apparent or come as a surprise (most likely the latter). But I'm also a bull-by-the-horns kind of girl and when I'm afraid of something, I'm also excited to conquer it. So here goes. You see, I'm a bravado babe. Being a foxy little spitfire, while accurate to my personality, is also a defense mechanism. Even after all this time, and with all my campaigning for my own worthiness and power and femininity, I still frequently find myself in a space in my mind where my self-esteem is oh-so-small and I look doe-eyed to the people around me for comfort and validation. It's one of those few things I still have hidden. There's a running commentary and set of assumptions that often come to a petite lady with a certain loo...

I grow close to my Mother Earth around me I am familiar with her ground  But mostly with the torrents of her weather Mankind will demand differently Never as Mother would But their cries are loud With the shriek of efficiency at their tail They don't really know For they are blinded with heat and fire Destruction is all destructed eyes can see And they cast their gaze on me Mother calls with gentle lilt But the noise of mankind burns through her grasses It seems easy to turn to self-protection But there is a higher calling here Sometimes I grow confused For the weather is heavy, The lightning foreboding And sometimes cold rain can burn too But the rampage of Mother Though more powerful in her storming, Has no such bitterness Of the fires of men I will take her rages, Her tides to her shores Embrace her wildfires Welcome the seeming cruelties of nature But for man's bitter pill He must swallow himself I wil...

TW: ED behavior, body perception This post isn't really particularly... anything, other than a few struggles and gripes of mine right now. Keeping things in context, I'm very much happier now and things are going very well, but eating disorder recovery does sometimes put me in a weird spot with body perception and normal, everyday changes. Be aware that this may or may not be too much information (but then again, its me, so I don't believe in such things). Good morning, uterus. Please leave me alone. Adrenal glands, could you just figure out how to work for... 10 hours? I could get a lot done in 10 hours. And thyroid... let's just stay a pretty consistent temperature. We'll definitely get warm in yoga, I don't need the extra cycles of shivering to sweating the other 15 times daily. My body can't even figure it out what I'm doing right now, and without everything that's happening in my life, I'm being stretched thin by that alone. I just hav...