I Might Be a Pretty Girl, But No One Gave Me the Handbook

I think it's time to blow the top off a topic that always bewilders me.Let me address this to my male peers most specifically:

There's just not a way that women are. This literally does not exist. Not one bit at all. If you've read more of this blog, you might have read this post that explore this topic a bit.

Confession: when I cared about what I was supposed to be and supposed to do and supposed to say I spent time reading all those weird articles and books and things like, "Can't deny that girls do this!" and other such stuff. Now, we all have a different way of doing this. I'm introverted, so I read books. Most other girls learn their girly behavior socially, through trial and error. It's not uncommon to be in a group of women that doesn't know each other very well yet, on a girls night, and see everyone testing the boundaries of what parts of each other the others will accept - they're asking themselves: what does this group of women think I need to do to be a real woman?

Arguably, that's a part of every social setting for anyone of any gender. But let me tell you, there's a marked difference. Women police each other on everything. Your hair, your clothes, yes to such obvious things, but there's a great degree more subtlety in it. You ask yourself questions like:
How concerned are we with these things? Is it okay to like this traditionally girly thing? Can I show up with painted nails? Can I take pride in enjoying that, or is it only okay to show up having done that myself? Do we talk about that?
How much are we allowed to be concerned with relationships? If I'm concerned and I want to talk about it, will I be considered "too clingy" among these girls? What about my social circle? Am I allowed to care about that?

I would come up with a crazy long and comprehensive list for you, but I'm on drugs (my go to excuse! woo!).

To prove my point, here's a couple of common things that happen in my female relationships that are very telling:

1. Usually after a few one on one interactions with a relatively new girlfriend, a very specific conversation crops up. Sometimes its just the conversation of comparison, but it usually turns into the parts of my body she's specifically jealous of and how she would change hers. I get real scared when this happens.

2. When I express my particular apathy toward men and romantic relationships at any given moment in time, these same women are so eager to prove that they just don't care, just like me. Like it's not a big deal really, I really don't care. This also scares me... because me wanting or not wanting something is really not indicative of what another woman in the room should like.

My life got so much better when I stopped wondering and caring what about me made me feminine, socially, physically or otherwise. I have a vagina, I identify as a woman, I like being a woman. So, whatever I like is something women do, presumably.

I've just heard a lot of commentary and comparison on the difference between men and women. I've heard my male friends complain or categorize or generalize about what women are like or not like. And I know this also happens to men, but as I'm coming from the female perspective, that's what I'm talking about. So, here's something. I love to dress up sometimes, one of my favorite feelings in the world is to vamp it up a bit because its fun to choose something that looks good and feel pretty and its powerfully feminine. But this is one time where I feel like I have to explain to people that I'm still going to be my weirdo self.

Let me explain quickly the difference between Shareeta in a dress and Shareeta in sweatpants:
I make a concerted effort to cross my legs and belch less.

And that is literally it. I get annoyed and insulted every single time someone acts shocked that I'm as much of a goober and nerd in a skirt as any other time. The only thing that makes me act scary and unapproachable in that moment is if I can tell you're leering at me - and I would like to clarify that leering is not the same as being attracted to - but if you're annoyed and shocked at me wanting to discuss chemistry while sitting around in a bikini, than I'm annoyed that you want to talk to me at all because nothing changes.

So my gripe is... don't get afraid of a girl for being pretty if you wouldn't otherwise be. Don't expect her to be something based on her looks. I'll do my best to return that favor. Don't talk to someone one day and not another (for any reason!) because they look different on those two days. 

And don't be afraid to be my friend because of the way I look. Don't assume we don't have anything in common. Don't assume you have to want to date me or that what I want is to date you. 

In short, treat everyone with the same regard and respect you'd want, regardless of whether they have admirable or not-so-admirable qualities, because of your character. If you treat people differently, it really only reflects on you. One of my favorite stories to demonstrate this principle is about my cousin. He's more like a big brother than a cousin, but he's one of the best examples of treating people well regardless of how they are. He works with a really cranky and vindictive family member who takes advantage of him, and he has a true heart of gold because he shows her love all the time. It's amazing to me, and I try to be more like him every day.

XOXOXO

Love and Admiration,
Shareeta