I'm a sick person. Emphasis on PERSON.
#butfirstletmetakeaselfie
 |
| My hair is taking over my face. |
Every so often I ditch my current blog and start blogging from a different perspective. So why would I do that? It's kind of odd, to be honest. The truth is that I find that I've pigeon-holed myself when I blog from only one perspective.
There's a reason this blog is called Always Remember the Divine. That's the perspective that encompasses all the perspectives I write from. It's a reference to the voice of Mother Meera. Mother Meera is thought to be an avatar of Shakti, or a physical manifestation of our Heavenly Mother housed in a very special human spirit. In India and all over the world, she's called to Darshan by religious people of all denominations (for an explanation of Darshan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dar%C5%9Bana). She reminds us to Always Remember the Divine in all that we do.
So what has that got to do with a blog about my struggles and frustrations, joy and triumphs of being sick and overcoming a dark history?
Well... In Mosiah 18 (from the Book of Mormon):
8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye areadesirous to come into the bfold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are awilling to mourn with those that bmourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand ascwitnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the dfirst resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
Or how about the Young Women's theme?
We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places.
Just a couple of examples. In LDS theology, we are prompted to always remember the divine. For those friends of mine of different faiths (that includes my atheist friends. I ascribe to the model of Piscine Molitor Patel, protagonist of Yann Martel's Life of Pi. He says, "Atheists are my brothers and sisters of a different faith, and every word they speak speaks of faith. Like me, they go as far as the legs of reason will carry them -- and then they leap.”), I certainly believe you also always remember the divine, because I am surrounded by people that keep context on their desire and obligation to live a moral and compassionate life. I hope I don't offend you when I call you Christlike. That is the label that I identify with your goodness. You can re-define as you please, but just know that when I call you Christlike, I'm telling you that you are an accepting, charitable and self-effacing person whose friendship humbles me and makes me feel very lucky to be in your life.
So where does the sick person thing come in? I am a sick person. I add emphasis on person because sometimes that's the part that gets away from people. They treat me more like a sick than a person. I'm in no towering rage about this, because I have a special understanding. I know what it is to face a young person and need to grieve because of the loss of ability in them. It's an ever-progressing and difficult process. It just so happens that this is what happens to me when I look in the mirror, not when I'm looking at someone else. The hardest part of being chronically ill is dealing with other people's feelings about it.
Truth is, I should be able to handle it on my terms with my grief of the life I would have had lost. If I have an ongoing battle with feeling good about my body not because of body-image but because of body function, I should be allowed to struggle with that. I don't identify with this body I'm in. It feels separate from me. I look in the mirror and say, "Who is that person?" That's incredibly difficult. I'm coming to terms with this faulted vehicle I'm in, much like many women you know have issues with body image. I don't even care what my body looks like if it works. It's so much harder to be in a body that looks like it should be working and doesn't than it is to find personal peace about your appearance. I care so little about what my body looks like that when someone compliments me on my beauty it makes me feel bitter and resentful because my body DOESN'T WORK.
Enter the I feel so good about myself because I know this sick person and I'm so helpful because I'm in such a better place and have so much to offer them individual. First of all, nope nope nope you pretentious and patronizing jerk. I know that most people want to help, I appreciate the willingness. But at some point, you have to be willing to accept (as I have) ambiguity and difficult circumstances that you cannot fix. Let me say this in a way that cannot be missed,
I DO NOT WANT TO BE FIXED!
Okay, we got that? Cool. Do I need to say it again? Okay, one more time. I do not want to be fixed! It is so much more painful to accept my circumstances if there are people in my life who are unwilling to accept my circumstances. Needing to be fixed also implies that I am in some way broken. Hello, I am not broken. My body is having some struggles right now and I'm taking a break to figure out how it works differently than yours and what I need to do to take care of it. PERIOD. I don't need or want anyone to refer to me exclusively as though being sick were the only thing in my life, or feel sorry for me (um, you could clearly not handle this... how about admiring my courage, determination and resilience if we have to talk about me being sick), to pity me (pity is dumb and patronizing. I don't feel sorry for myself and I bet I do a lot cooler and more meaningful things with my life than you do if you're the kind of person who pities me), or to want to share their grief with me about how sick I am.
A little elaboration on each of these points
Only talk to me about my sickness: If you are trying to look for a way to talk to me, try another tact. If I don't focus exclusively on the trauma/tragedy/illness in my life, neither should you. If you just try anything else, you might be surprised how much I light up and make things quite amicable and easy. Need some topics? How about: psychology, history, anthropology, nutrition, yoga, mediation, TEDtalks, books, research, animals, globalization, corny jokes, the importance of drinking water, the air speed velocity of an african swallow (but seriously I don't want to talk about being sick if I didn't bring it up... and don't tell me to feel better or tell me you're praying for me to feel better... that's a bitter topic because I have had to come to accept that I probably won't and expecting it prevents me from designing a life that works for me and my limitations.) This habit is much akin to someone only talking to you about your job, and if you bring up anything else they quickly redirect it to your job or treat you like a child who has cute but unrealistic dreams (PS don't treat children like that... but that's another topic).
Feel sorry for me/pity me: I guarantee that the life and personal skills I've gained through this struggle are more complex and deep than you can comprehend, and its incredibly patronizing for you to feel sorry for me. GROSS. I don't want your pity because I live much more fully than you can imagine. It's dehumanizing to be pitied because it generally means that you don't think my life is happy... after all, would you feel sorry for me if you wanted to live a life like mine? Dear random pitying person: my tough times shape who I am and I don't want to be content with offering something mediocre to the world because of it. My dreams are bigger than yours because they have to be. Go pity someone who takes their circumstances lying down and self-pitying, not me. I'm fighting this all like a champ and developing a strong and authentic sense of worthiness. Truth is, if you are the kind of person that pities me, I actually pity you a lot more.
Sharing your grief about my sickness with me: This is so annoying and it honestly blows my mind that you can't comprehend that I am not the one who is here to help you find resolution about your grief about the failings of my body. With rare exception, you need to find someone else to address that grief with because it compounds my own grief and brings up things I may have already put to bed withing my own grief to have to address yours, too. If you think you're one of those rare exceptions (they exist), a great opening line is, "Are you comfortable discussing my feelings about what's going on with you now?" I ain't even mad, that's a great way to introduce that subject. That said, if say "No," you best back the censored expletive up. I deal with it 24/7/365, you better respect my resiliency and not make me responsible for your feelings about it, mmkay?!
That addresses some things that apply to any spoonie (not familiar with this term? It's really important and basic to understanding me and anyone with a chronic illness. An explanation: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/).
So I don't want to be thought of as SICK person, but rather a sick PERSON. And this applies to all labels. The way I've come through the experiences I've had in my life has informed a lot of how I see PEOPLE. A most important aspect of this is cutting through labels and taking the person at face value rather than letting my perceptions and prejudices about the "categories" they belong to color my understanding of them.
A label doesn't do anything to inform you of who a person is. Get to know them. This post is an example of me because it addresses how I handle my circumstances uniquely, regardless of the stereotypes that you may have associated with illness. This shows a picture of a person who is sarcastic, optimistic, resilient, tough, loving, courageous, determined and dare I say, beautiful in her vulnerability . That combination plus this circumstance are pretty unique to me. If you only ever treated me like the stereotype of sick, you would miss out on so much.
This goes for every label ever. People are so beautiful and valuable and authentic and worthy of love and belonging (these concepts so beautifully explained by Brene Brown [this link is worth your time if you click on nothing else or read nothing else on this post]: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability).
You might be to find the ways you thought you were being kind when you were really being shallow, unhelpful or judgmental (or all three!).
Don't bother, it's so much happier to just love people rather than judging them :)
Love and Admiration (and kisses... mwah!),
Shareeta
Comments
Post a Comment