Snail Time

Here's something. I'm really inclined to something I call snail time. My snail time totally upsets people on a regular basis.

I call it snail time because I go into my shell. It's protective, but that's not all. I'm working stuff out in there. I trust my intuition a lot and I take in a lot of perspectives and I integrate a lot of information simultaneously. I don't particularly like getting advice during this time because it will sway me strongly to a valid perspective, but won't be really true to the decision I would make on my own.

I don't think other people solve problems with snail time. I think they don't understand what I'm doing when I go in my shell and it makes them upset, because they think its permanent.

It's not.

But - if you'd like me to put up a permanent wall between us, by all means, start knocking on my shell and panicking while I'm in there problem solving, processing and integrating all the varied perspectives and opinions to find the most amicable, diplomatic and compassionate solution. Knocking on my shell lets me know that your solution/anxiety/concern comes before my way of working out problems.

Snail time takes... time.

Here's a crucial point.

The more you try to reach into my shell and pull me out when I'm in snail time, the longer I need in my shell. Trying to pull me out of my self-problem-solving-mode is prohibitive to me finding a solution I'm okay with and inherently creates conflict.

If you leave me alone, I will come out. I will also have a solution that considers your concerns and viewpoint and mine. If you keep tugging, I will leave the relationship because you don't respect my all-important boundaries and respect my need for alone time. Period.

So to review, if you don't let me just do snail time, don't expect to be allowed in my emotional life again. 

Respect my snail time. I'll respect your needs if you respect mine.

With love and some frustration,

Shareeta